Chapter 19: Russian Roulette
Ji Yueling had thought he would prepare himself first.
Perhaps he’d work up some kind of emotion, or overcome the fear in his heart first, but he just chatted with her so casually, raised the gun, aimed it at his temple, and pulled the trigger.
The bullet didn’t fire, and his courage received its due reward.
The moment Ji Yueling looked at him, her chin had already been lifted by Gu Qing. Moonlight spilled across her cheek, and though her eyes held a trace of instinctive disgust, she still obediently closed them, allowing Gu Qing to lean close and plant a kiss on her cheek with a soft smack.
“I thought you were going to kiss me,” Ji Yueling slowly opened her eyes and wiped her cheek with distaste, even though Gu Qing hadn’t left any moisture behind.
But thinking that he had just vomited made it indeed rather disgusting, and she was the type of person with mild cleanliness compulsions anyway.
“I was just firing one shot first to see your reaction. If kissing your cheek didn’t make you blush, I wanted to try kissing your lips to see if that would…” Gu Qing said, then once again raised the gun, aimed it at his temple, and pulled the trigger.
Ji Yueling froze.
In that instant, she tilted her head slightly and said slowly, “I don’t recall saying I’d gamble with you a second time.”
“Huh?” Gu Qing’s eyes widened. “Isn’t that only natural? You didn’t take out this gun just to watch me play once, did you?”
Gu Qing indignantly shoved the gun back into her arms. “You’re no fun at all!”
Ji Yueling stared at the silver revolver in her hands. She suddenly spaced out for a moment, and a crazy idea suddenly sprouted in her mind. That gun seemed to transform into Pandora’s box in an instant. She slowly reached out, grasped the handle, lifted it, and aimed the muzzle at her own temple.
Gu Qing, sitting beside her, showed no fear. Instead, he watched her with interest. “You want to play too?”
“I want to try.” Her voice became light and ethereal, yet trembled slightly from instinct.
“It really is interesting,” Gu Qing said. “The moment you pull the trigger, it feels like electricity coursing through your entire body, like you’ve let go of everything.”
His voice was so calm, even somewhat gentle, yet it sounded like the devil’s whisper, tempting and persuasive.
Reason told Ji Yueling she shouldn’t do this, but it was as if another voice in her head kept repeating in an endless loop: just pull the trigger and you can let go of all pain, just stop fearing death and there will be no more hurt.
Countless images suddenly flashed before her eyes—that abandoned factory, her friends’ screams and pleas for mercy, weeping, cursing, hatred, blood, darkness.
Pain.
Endless pain.
Like something in her head was about to crack open.
Her body began trembling uncontrollably, yet she couldn’t muster the courage to pull the trigger. Clearly it only required a light squeeze of her fingertip, but she couldn’t manage Gu Qing’s composure no matter what.
Was there something she couldn’t bear to give up?
Right, she still had family.
But Gu Qing was now murmuring in her ear, “Is it because of your family that you don’t dare? But no child ever chose to come into this world, others’ pain has nothing to do with you. A warm family is indeed wonderful, but it’s also a kind of bondage that makes you timid about many things. When you do anything, you seem to have to consider their feelings, and it’s precisely these ties that make you feel uneasy.”
Ji Yueling’s eyes stared fixedly at his face. “You seem to really want me to pull the trigger.”
“Yeah, this game is boring when played alone.” Gu Qing picked up his wine glass and took another large sip.
“If I pull the trigger, you’ll recommend me to the fighting club recently.”
“I already said I’d make time to recommend you anyway. Besides… if you have to use even something like this as a bargaining chip, you’re really boring.”
“You simply don’t understand, don’t know what I’ve been through…”
“Not my business.” Gu Qing innocently shrugged and even made a face at her.
Ji Yueling’s hand was still trembling. A thin layer of sweat had appeared on her snow-white skin, and she felt her body growing weaker, as if she was about to lose the strength to pull the trigger.
She slowly moved the muzzle down to her abdomen, but when she looked into Gu Qing’s eyes, she only found his lofty, contemptuous mockery.
“Are you mocking me?”
“The interesting meaning of this game lies in never knowing whether you’ll die after firing this shot. If you’re just going to wound yourself, you might as well take a knife and cut your hand—that would be more straightforward.” Gu Qing shrugged. “Why don’t you just stop playing? Let’s call it a night. Finish this drink and go home to sleep. If you really can’t sleep, take a knife and cut your hand. You can heal the wounds anyway.”
Gu Qing’s words gave her a chance to escape. She instinctively loosened her grip, trying to put the gun away, but her heart suddenly filled with intense unwillingness at that very moment.
She wasn’t falling for reverse psychology, trying to prove her courage to Gu Qing.
She just hated the pain that constantly tormented her mind, yet she had never been able to settle things with that pain. She couldn’t fearlessly destroy everything, yet she was truly and continuously self-destructive. She constantly used the Snow Silkworm Spider’s power to strengthen herself, clearly knowing her life was being gnawed away bit by bit. She seemed to feel some inexplicable pleasure from this process of self-destruction.
Under Gu Qing’s gaze, she raised the gun again.
The muzzle was still aimed at her temple. She closed her eyes, her long, thick eyelashes trembling constantly. Teardrops reflected the moon’s halo as Gu Qing watched this scene with great interest, like it was an appetizer for his drink.
He heard a click—the sound of the trigger being pulled.
The gun didn’t fire.
Ji Yueling opened her eyes. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, so much that she couldn’t hold the gun steady and it fell to the ground. Her whole body began to shudder. The joy of surviving and an indescribable happiness rushed straight to her brain, making her mind chaotic yet blissful. But then in her vision, Gu Qing picked up the gun and, full of anticipation, fired another shot at his temple.
“Good, your turn again.” Gu Qing once more pressed the revolver into her palm.
She lowered her head, staring blankly at the revolver in her hands, then looked at Gu Qing before her.
She suddenly realized this boy she had always looked down on now appeared as terrifying as a demon, and disgusting.
This gun had now been fired four times. The probability of the next shot was fifty percent.
With her abilities, if a bullet went through her temple, she would die.
Gu Qing stared at her unblinkingly. “Of course, with only two shots left you can choose not to play. Even if your shot misses, I won’t fire the last one. There’s a difference between gambling with your life and seeking death.”
That was naturally the best choice. She looked at Gu Qing coldly. “The game ends here.”
But Gu Qing looked up at the moon and suddenly laughed, muttering, “But if you committed suicide, maybe your father or grandfather would be filled with guilt? That guilt might drive them to madly seek revenge against the guy who made you depressed and crazy in the first place. If you die from this shot, I’ll get Diting to tell them where Old Tao is. How about it?”
Ji Yueling’s motion to put away the gun abruptly stopped.
“Diting owes me a big favor, and he really does know where Old Tao is. I can use this favor to make him tell me.” Gu Qing smiled at Ji Yueling. “Don’t you hate that demon called Old Tao to the point of madness? As long as you dare fire this shot, your pain will end, and someone will repay your hatred. Compared to that… continuing to struggle on, living in a daze—isn’t that less important?”
“You knew about my situation all along?”
“Diting deals in intelligence. Intelligence dealers love gossip. Seeing that I’ve been involved with you recently, he mentioned your situation in passing. I don’t know much.” Gu Qing, while she wasn’t paying attention, poured the last bit of wine from the bottle into his glass, picked it up and took a large gulp, then continued, “So, are you going to fire this shot?”
Gu Qing’s words keenly guessed all her thoughts.
This made her suspect this wasn’t something Gu Qing had arranged from the beginning. Now this gun was in her hands—as long as she pulled the trigger, all pain would vanish, and all her hatred would be repaid.
Wasn’t this exactly what she had dreamed of and hoped for so long?
Yet she still couldn’t raise the gun in her hands. She just sat there quietly, thinking for a very long time—ten minutes, maybe half an hour. She didn’t say a word, while Gu Qing occasionally looked at the moon, occasionally at her. After half an hour, she raised the gun again, aimed it at her temple, her eyes staring fixedly at him. “You must keep your promise.”
“Of course.”
She took out her phone and suddenly sent a voice message, her voice cold: “Dad, if Gu Qing doesn’t tell you Old Tao’s whereabouts, please kill him for me.”
Gu Qing’s expression didn’t change. He just smiled, looking at Ji Yueling with anticipation, beginning to mutter, “Come on, come on, pull the trigger! Pull the trigger! Hurry up and pull the trigger… It’s fifty percent, you won’t necessarily die.”
“Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, once you pull the trigger you’ll never hurt again, never fear again… You’ve dreamed countless times of that day’s scene, right? The only meaning of your life is to kill Old Tao, right? Hurry up, hurry up… don’t wait anymore…”
Gu Qing’s voice in her ears was now as noisy as a sparrow. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and everything in her mind began flashing back continuously.
The world before her seemed to suddenly become a river, with her at its center. Rapids kept beating against her body as she gradually entered a whirlpool, slowly falling. It seemed she had long lost the meaning to live, countless feelings of guilt had already entwined her, and those feelings of guilt had transformed into the hatred that supported her existence.
If even her hatred would end, then ending her life didn’t seem like such a big deal.
“Five.” Gu Qing began counting down beside her, as if urging her to shoot.
“Four.”
Ji Yueling’s eyes were tightly closed, her cheeks pale as paper, completely bloodless.
“Three.”
Gu Qing’s countdown continued, pressing closer step by step. The world seemed to become so quiet that only his commanding countdown remained.
“Two.”
A click echoed from the pavilion.
“Boom!!!”