Chapter 42: Can’t Bear To
The next day, morning.
Gu Qing looked at the fried egg in his noodles—the treasure he saved for last. He liked that fragrant, crispy fried egg. After finally finishing the egg, he put down his chopsticks and quietly waited for Lu Qianqian across from him to finish eating.
Only after Lu Qianqian finished did he finally raise his head proudly and speak seriously: “I have to go.”
“Eh?” Lu Qianqian looked up. “Going out to find Sister Ji again?”
“No, I mean, I have to…” Gu Qing’s tone paused for an instant. “I have to leave this place.”
The moment he finally said it, he suddenly felt relieved.
Perhaps when Ji Yueling deleted him, she felt the same way he did now.
Lu Qianqian put down her chopsticks, her slender waist straight, her fair and lovely face now full of gentle expression. She said softly: “When are you leaving?”
“In three days, or maybe five days?” Gu Qing answered vaguely.
But the moment this answer came out, his departure plan had a flaw. Lu Qianqian’s eyes looked at him gently. After a few more seconds, she seemed to suddenly think of something. Under the table, her slender legs gently lifted. Before Gu Qing could say anything more, the girl suddenly placed her fair, delicate feet on his leg.
She cupped her cheek, her eyes gazing gently into his: “Why do you want to leave?”
Gu Qing scratched his head. Perhaps because Lu Qianqian’s reaction wasn’t as intense as he’d expected, he relaxed and slowly answered: “I’m still more used to being alone.”
“But the temperature difference between day and night is really big outside now. It’s very cold at night.” Lu Qianqian said quietly.
“It’s fine. I’m used to it. Besides, on really cold nights I can go to internet cafes to mooch air conditioning.” Gu Qing answered this way.
“But after you leave, there won’t be any more massages…”
“I’ll gradually get used to it!”
“And no little feet to touch either…”
The girl’s fair feet moved slightly. Her snow-white toes gently poked his lower abdomen, then were gently grasped in his palm.
Gu Qing’s voice was full of torment: “I’ll gradually get used to that too!”
Seeing Lu Qianqian about to make another move, Gu Qing quickly interrupted her, saying softly: “Besides, Qianqian will start school soon, right? It’ll be perfect timing—when Qianqian starts school, I should leave too.”
“But school is right near my house. It’s such a hassle to cook dinner every day when I get home.” Lu Qianqian looked seriously into Gu Qing’s eyes. “I really can’t bear it.”
“Are you reluctant about me or about my cooking?”
“Mm… a little of both.” Lu Qianqian puffed her cheeks, her eyes gazing gently at his face. “Can’t you stay with me a little longer? It’s been really dangerous outside lately. I’m a bit scared.”
“It’s fine. This area is actually pretty safe. I guarantee Qianqian won’t encounter any danger.”
So Lu Qianqian seemed to truly have no more reasons to make him stay. She pulled her legs back under the table and slowly stood up. Gu Qing was slightly stunned, but before he could speak, Lu Qianqian had already come closer, then naturally straddled him.
The girl was wearing athletic shorts now, her soft bottom warm and fragrant.
Before Gu Qing could speak, she had already reached out to gently embrace his neck. Her snow-white, tender face came close, her pink lips suddenly kissing his lips lightly: “Can’t you not leave?”
“In principle… no…”
Lu Qianqian’s pink lips kissed his lips lightly again: “Can’t you?”
“No…”
Lu Qianqian leaned close again, but this time she didn’t pull away after touching. Instead, she carefully pressed against his lips, her pink tongue beginning to try to pry open his teeth. Her nimble, tender tongue found his tongue tip and touched it lightly, like two snails touching feelers.
This position brought her upper body very close too. Her full chest pressed against Gu Qing’s chest. Gu Qing seemed to hear her soft breathing. He was somewhat at a loss, not knowing whether he should embrace Lu Qianqian and kiss her fiercely. But if he did that, he’d have even less strength to talk about leaving.
But he also didn’t have the strength to push Lu Qianqian away.
“I really, really should go…” When their lips parted, Gu Qing finally had some strength to speak. Lu Qianqian’s eyes looked at him moistly—perhaps not because she wanted to cry, but because the kiss made her body tremble, making her eyes so dewy and bright.
“I’ll let you go.” Lu Qianqian leaned close again, her cheek against his cheek, transferring warmth to him. Her voice became much softer: “But can’t you… stay with me a little longer?”
“This…”
“Please.” Lu Qianqian’s voice sounded so aggrieved now, as if her tears would fall if Gu Qing refused once more.
Gu Qing couldn’t speak for a long time, finally stammering: “At most… another half month…”
“One month.” Lu Qianqian leaned close again. Her pink lips had become very moist, kissing his lips lightly again at the corner. Gu Qing’s head became a bit dizzy, then heard her add pressure: “Okay?”
The girl wiggled her bottom slightly, making Gu Qing’s heart panic. She was so close now, her fragrance filling Gu Qing’s nostrils.
Seeing Gu Qing didn’t answer, the next instant she quietly lifted her long legs, her snow-white, slender thighs tightly clamping Gu Qing’s waist. Her eyes were still so bright and moist. She was too good at acting cute, as if it were a natural ability.
“Okay… okay, isn’t that enough?” Gu Qing finally began begging for mercy.
If Lu Qianqian made a few more moves, he’d cry first.
………………………………
The sun blazed brightly.
Successfully hunting that A-rank mantis demon had cost enormous energy, so Ji Yueling got nearly ten days of vacation again.
In past vacation days, she would always train her abilities until she’d completely drained every last bit of strength from her body. Only then would her heart finally calm down and gain some comfort.
Once she thought constantly about someday standing before Old Tao again, personally cutting off his head and bringing it to her friends’ graves to repent. From that time it seemed only this one thought remained in her mind. She’d never considered what would happen after.
She didn’t know what she’d do after killing Old Tao. Perhaps she’d quietly wait for her own decline in the long time after, perhaps watch her body decay from backlash, perhaps realize again that belated revenge couldn’t change anything. She’d live forever in guilt toward her friends. Perhaps such guilt would drive her mad too… She couldn’t become heartless, couldn’t look forward.
She’d always been so lost before, relying on constantly training abilities to escape everything in this world. As if being exhausted could fool herself.
Now she had plenty of free time but didn’t know what to do. She could sense that every day when she woke up, her strength would increase slightly, while deliberate training brought minimal improvement.
So she became lost, because she’d lost her way of escaping the world.
In the past half month, her heart had always been filled with shame, because she had to think about how to take seductive photos to please Gu Qing. Even during work she’d occasionally think about this, then laugh at her own base flattery.
Now she’d cut off contact with Gu Qing—what should she do?
Ji Yueling began reading books.
The books were recommended by Dr. Lin, or rather, because she’d previously asked Dr. Lin for the list of books Gu Qing had borrowed from him. She began reading by the sunny glass windowsill. After reading for four or five hours straight, she felt her eyes getting blurry and closed the book.
In a daze she suddenly spaced out, Gu Qing’s face floating in her mind again.
Did he really desire her body? Did he really look forward to those photos? No… that guy was more like a madman, as if he didn’t care about anything at all.
Would he feel elated or dejected that she’d suddenly cut off contact?
Probably elated, right? He rarely contacted her proactively anyway.
Thinking this, Ji Yueling’s heart suddenly felt inexplicably annoyed again. The joy she’d felt from deleting Gu Qing vanished completely. She suddenly felt empty inside again. She tossed the book aside and lay on the bed to space out.
When feeling shame, one becomes aware of one’s existence as a person in society.
Animals don’t feel shame.
Neither do the muddled or those seeking death.
Even anxiety and unease were better than complete grayness.
Ji Yueling suddenly sat up as if electrocuted and picked up her phone. She’d deleted Gu Qing’s contact, but